Social Media has taken over my life.
It's all I do.
My face is almost always buried in my phone.
I'm perpetually stuck in a cycle of checking
and checking
and checking....
It's my entire focus. It's the only thing that has my attention. I'm addicted to the fact that I'm so connected to everyone in the world. I'm addicted to the fact that social media can make or break me. The amount of likes on my picture denotes whether or not I'm in fact as beautiful as the comments on my picture tell me. The amount of retweets I receive encourage me in my endeavor to be the most well-liked. I'm addicted to the fact that online I can be anything I want to be.
But how in the world did something that was intended to connect us with everyone all over the world cause us to become so disconnected to the ones closest to us?
I'm one of the worst cases of social media addicts that you'll ever see.
I am a member of just about every social media that has come to play since I turned ten years old.
I post a photo on my Instagram (an app to share photos and videos) just about once every single day, but most of them end up deleted due to lack of likes or due to my amount of anxiety when it comes to what people will think of the content. I have 753 followers and I follow 529 people. I know without a doubt that I hardly know half of those people. My account is currently privated, but I still allow just about anybody to follow me.
When my boyfriend of 14 months and I are together we take pictures and I almost always post one of Instagram right after. I then spend a majority of our time together checking to see the amount of likes the picture has gotten, or scrolling through my news feed to see what other people have posted. I blame it on my fear of missing out on something important.
Next comes Facebook. I've had an account since about the fifth grade, after much begging and pleading with my mom. I don't even think I had anything at all to post, but I wanted so badly to be considered cool by my fellow peers with accounts. I have 1,099 friends on Facebook. I do not know that many people. I don't post Facebook statuses often, nor do I post many update photos, however, I still spend a rather large amount of time on the site just scrolling through the news feed. I again, aimlessly blame it on my fear of missing out on anything.
Snapchat. I constantly refresh my feed to see if anyone has posted anything to their stories that they didn't post to their social media accounts. I always want to make sure to refresh it often and make my presence known, because hey, who wants to be left out of any juicy gossip that were to arise from something that was seen on someone's story? I don't want to be left out.
I don't have a Twitter account anymore, but I know that when I did I spent almost every waking second refreshing the news feed to catch a glimpse of what's been happening. It's embarrassing to think of all the things I tweeted, and how I was so offended by the harsh things that people would say back to me about the things I tweeted. People weren't kind. Never, not at all. But hey, it was worth it, because guess who never felt left out?
It's a recurring theme. A recurring concept that teenagers now choose to use as their primary motive for allowing these social media accounts to become their lives. It has become so important to my generation to be on top of everything around them globally, that they have become disconnected when it comes to those around them personally.
I've seen so many posts so often on social media accounts (oh, the irony) with pictures of teenagers on dates or on outings where all of them are glued to their cell-phones. I know that I spend entirely too much time on my cell phone when I'm out on a date or with my friends. I'm the friend that is always taking pictures, that is always posting. I call it documenting memories, when in actuality it's just obsessing.
To me, it's become so much about 'remembering the moment' that I no longer live inside of it. I'm always making sure to take pictures and to post status updates, but when I look back on those pictures and updates, they're nothing but empty memories to me.
I feel like I'm losing precious time with family and friends. I'm never going to get the time back that I spent glued to my cell phone instead of listening to a story about someone's childhood. I will never get the time back that I spent checking instagram instead of listening to why someone likes oldies music instead of the new poppy stuff.
There aren't enough apologies that I could ever give out that will excuse my absence in the real world. There isn't enough explanation that can justify my heightened presence within that of my online life.
It has become less about the conversations we have over lunch and more about the amount of likes we get on the pictures from that time we spent together.
It's no longer about the things you love about me, but the amount of comments and likes that display of love receives on Instagram.
And I'm so incredibly sorry that I've been so absent in my life.
I want to experience more of the moments and worry less about documenting them.
Here's to realizing I have a problem and aiming to fix them.
I challenge you all to do the same.
Step outside. Breathe. Take a deep breath.
Look up.
Because what's the use of documenting your life, if you feel like you haven't ever lived?
So here's to deleting my apps and deactivating my accounts.
Now is my time to live.
Stay Golden.
Jessica.
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