I remember being a little girl and wanting so badly to be able to shop in the junior's section at Kohls. I never really ventured into those sections, not because I was too small to fit into anything, but because there were teenagers browsing through the clothes! At such a young age I was already embarrassed and afraid of doing something because of the fear that someone else would judge me for it.
Looking back now, I can't help but laugh. I'm one of those teenagers now. I see little girls avert their attention away from the clothes I'm looking at when they brave their way into the junior's section. I'm the monster. Heck, I'm intimidating to them.
But goodness gracious little darlings, that's how it'll be for rest of your lives! So here it is: The truth... As told by someone who just started growing up herself.
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Ten Things They Don't Admit To You About Growing Up
1. No matter how old you are, people are still going to judge you.
If I could turn back time and run and tell little me that I was still going to be afraid to be judged by the teenagers in the junior's section, then boy I would. I wish someone would have told me that people were going to judge me no matter who I was. I still find myself self consciously sifting through store racks, anxiously hoping that no one is judging me for what I'm choosing. The only time I find myself completely confident is when I'm shopping with someone else. It's so easy to be at ease when you have someone there pushing you forward, or encouraging you on. I find it so wonderful when I'm with my friends shopping because they'll make snarky comments within our group just to ease the tension or any uneasy thoughts. It sounds so dorky, and so little girlish, but shopping with your mom (or dad, I don't know) will forever be your favorite thing - unless you're in that weird I-don't-like-my-parents phase, then fly free little butterfly - because they are easily, and will forever be your biggest fans. I'm not going to totally excuse the whole "Honey, you don't look bad in that dress", because we all knew we looked hideous in that dress, but your mom (or dad) sees you as perfect all the time. Back to the topic at hand though... There will forever be people that judge you for anything and everything you do. So once you figure that out you basically can conquer the world, because once you realize that no matter what they're going to judge you, you'll start to live for yourself. And guys, let me be the first to tell you that living for yourself is the bomb.com... Especially when it comes to wearing a particular scarf multiple times because it's cozy and having certain people in your household complain all the time about it... Mom.
2. Not everyone is going to agree with your opinions... And that's okay.
It is going to be so easy to want to conform to what your classmates or family members believe. This year in particular, I've come to learn that people are quick to argue their opinion when they don't align with yours. While that is super obnoxious, it also makes it harder to stand your ground. There have been so many times amidst a debate that I so badly want to just give up. I want to step back and dismiss my beliefs as inferior to that of others. Once I get into a debate, I find it so hard to stand up for myself because I've come to dislike conflict. I believed so intensely that everyone was supposed to like everything I did and agree with me. I would go to extreme lengths to argue my point because I wanted them to understand what I was saying... Not necessarily agree with me, but just to understand the reasons why I felt the way I did. It was so incredibly important to me that they knew why I thought what I did. Why I felt so strongly for certain topics - you name it. I was a stickler for fitting in. Just recently, I was in the middle of a debate with someone when I realized that I was arguing for naught. Just as I wanted to be understood, so did the other person. It wasn't so much about being convinced of their belief, it was being convinced that their belief was justified. It made sense to me then that I didn't need to argue what I believed in, because it was what I believed in. It didn't have to be what anyone else believed in... As long as it made me happy personally, then I shouldn't worry. And you shouldn't either, young grasshopper. So rejoice and make your own opinions, cause hey, that's what growing up is all about.
3. Not everyone is going to like you.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. This is my least favorite truth of them all. This is definitely one of the hardest for me to accept. I find it so hard to accept the fact that there are people out there who will look at me and not like me for how pretty they think I am, or for how ugly they think I am. I hate the fact that there are people out there who will dislike me because of how intelligent I am, or because of how unintelligent they believe I am. They'll dislike me because they think I'm annoying or boring, or because I have a lackluster personality or too much of one. There will people who I've never even talked to that will hate me, and people who I've been friends with for months that will decide one day that they don't want to be in my company any longer. It's just the way it is, but boy is it tough. I don't understand. I don't think I ever will, I don't know if anyone ever has or will. It's just something that one has to come to terms with, but on the flipside, there will be people who adore you. These people might not have been who you always imagined yourself being friends with, but boy will you come to appreciate these people. I've found myself in the company of some amazing people that I've discovered in places where I'd never thought they'd lie. I would never trade where I am today to be anywhere else, and I don't believe anyone else should either. Do what makes you happy. Enjoy the people you meet in those places. None of this will matter sometime from now, anyway.
4. There is NOTHING wrong with being intelligent.
This is such a huge one. It's no secret that the intelligent ones are always the awfully portrayed ones in media everywhere. I don't spend much time watching any Kid's TV but I remember the smart people on those TV shows weren't really the ones I'd ever want to be like. They were always bullied or the ugly ones or the ones that no one wanted to be around. They were portrayed so awfully that I have no idea how any child could look at that kind of thing and aspire to be that way. We see it so often when it comes to different situations. In reality TV shows, in the TV channels that teenagers choose to spend their time watching... The smart ones are always the bad ones. The ones that no one wants to be. Sometimes, they're the winner in the end, but is it really safe to teach the younger generations that if they're smart, they have to wait until they're grown to be rewarded for their intelligence? It's so important for us to realize that being who you are is okay. Whether you are someone who doesn't have to study at all for anything in school or you're someone who is forced to spend their days with their nose buried in a book just to get away with a B on a test. It's all okay. What's not okay is not trying. It's so important to set up a good foundation for yourself now and for your future. It's never too earlier, and it will never, ever be too late to get your life in check. All you have to do is try.
5. Don't stress yourself out now, because it only gets harder as you work your way up.
I'm easily one of the most stressed teenagers you'll ever meet. I have built so much pressure upon myself to be perfect that little things easily push me over the edge. I'm constantly pushing myself to get better grades, to look perfect, to have my act together, to have a good social life. I've put so much pressure on myself to maintain the perfect girl image. I want to be seen as that girl who totally has her life together, the one who just never screws up... And let me tell you how unattainable that goal is. I screw up so often that it's almost as if the world enjoys seeing me fail. That's silly though, because that's not it at all. It's almost as if the world is trying to teach me that messing up is okay, and that I should not at all be allowing myself this much pressure. It's ridiculous. One day when I'm that daily show host, or correspondent for Good Morning America, or even if I choose to pursue a career in special needs education for preschoolers, I will endure so much more stress than I ever knew possible. If I allow myself to stress over what is the now, then how will I survive then? That's what's so important to know. What is happening now is so much smaller than you will endure when you're actually forced into the real world. This is the time to enjoy yourself. It's okay to care, but to care to the point of pressuring yourself to be perfect, that's when you can lose yourself, and all you've worked to be. Keep calm and carry on. That should be your life motto through high-school. Oh, and YOLO. Just kidding. Seriously, mom. I promise.
6. Being Yourself is SO incredibly important.
"But I don't know who I am yet?" Exactly. This is why it's so important to do your best to try to figure out who you are, little munchkin. That's why it's so important for you to take chances and make mistakes. That's why it's so incredibly important for you to be okay with not fitting in. Why it's so important for you to be open to what is and what may be. It's why you have to be okay with transitioning from friend group to friend group; with giving up friends that you had for ages for friends that you'd never thought you would ever have. I don't know if you find yourself in high-school or if you end up finding yourself in college, but regardless, it's important to be aware and open with what's around you. It's not going to be fair at times, but it'll be so worth it.
7. Procrastinating is bad, but you're going to do it anyway.
Everyone is going to tell you that you shouldn't procrastinate, but I truly believe everyone does. It's just a habit that we as humans adopt. I'd like to tell you that you shouldn't procrastinate, but it'd be for naught. Procrastinating is awful, and you shouldn't do it, but you will. I hate hate hate to say it, but you're going to put off your homework to go to that party or to do other things that require your immediate attention, and you know what? As long as you get it done, go ahead.
8. You're going to make mistakes.
This goes back to not being perfect. Things are going to go wrong. Things are going to go so very wrong and you're going to want to shout to the world in anger and ask why, but you know what, at the end of the day, it's all a learning process. This is what it takes to grow up, and I know it's awful, I know it sucks but this is the foundation for a BETTER you. This is the start of such a better life, and you should embrace it. You're going to make dumb mistakes and do stupid things, but it's all apart of becoming an adult. Now, I'm not saying go and be stupid just because, but in the end, you're learning a lesson. Enjoy your teenage years while you can and hold on tight. Make memories and learn from your mistakes... Don't dwell on them. You're just that much closer to becoming who you're supposed to be.
9. SLEEP IS SO IMPORTANT!
This is going to be the shortest truth but I have to address it. Sleep is going to be your best friend forever and forever. Take naps while you can. Enjoy long sleep. Enjoy nights without lots of homework. Sleep in on the weekend. Go to sleep early. Take cat naps as often as possible. Enjoy sleep because it is your youth and it may become your salvation. Sleep will become your refuge. Sleep is the best medicine. Take it in while you can
10. It's going to be really, really hard.
And the last truth to be told. I already gave way to this at the beginning of this post, but here it is. Growing up is hard. You're going to hate it. That's just the truth. You're going to hate it when your significant other breaks your heart. You're going to hate it when people you trusted tell your secrets. You're going to hate it when you realize you're just one grade level closer to leaving mom and dad for college. You're going to hate it when you realize that you're just that much closer to being responsible for yourself. You're going to come to a slamming halt when you finally realize that a lot of people don't care, and that you're a simple soul that cares too much in a world that just cares too little.... But guess what? It's okay. It's okay to cry and scream and be angry with the world. It's okay to hug your mom. It's okay to cuddle close to her when you're feeling upset. It's okay to hold on tightly to your grandparents. It's okay to be sixteen and call your dad, daddy. And goodness, it is so very okay to crawl into bed with your parents when you're afraid of the dark. You don't have to face growing up alone. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not be what society wants you to be. It is so, so okay to accept yourself even when you feel as if others don't accept you. It's going to be so awful sometimes and you're going to wish that you could just give up but it's just one bad day amongst a bundle of good ones. You're going to realize one day that you may be one day closer to leaving your parents, but that means you're one day to having a family of your own. You're going to love it when you realize that you're going to be able to raise kids of your own. You're going to love it when you realize you're going to be pursuing your dreams soon. You're going to marry the love of you life someday, and that's so exciting! So while it may suck, and you wish so badly you could turn back time... This is it. So you might as well make the most of it while you can.
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So that was that. Hope you all enjoyed this terribly long read. Stay warm and stay happy.
But most of all,
Stay Golden.
Jessica.
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