40 Simple Ways to Perk Up Your Day

It's been one of those days.

One of those days where everything is a dark shade of blue instead of the bright yellow I've found myself so lovingly rejoicing.

One of those days where I just want to lay in bed and forget the world; sleeping the daylight away until the music that Spotify provides me with can drown out my sorrows.

But I haven't come this far in my battle for happiness to just give up because one day isn't as fantastic as the others.

When the world seems like it's crashing down around you, it's so easy to forget that there are incredibly simple things around us that we let go of.

On a glorious Tuesday afternoon full of drab rain clouds and pink-tinged sunsets, I give you a list of simple things that you've overlooked today - simple things that are sure to fill you with the type of joy that only nature can bestow upon you.

Take a second to appreciate the beauty around you; God is so good.

40 Simple Things You Can Do To Make You Happier

1. Change your bed sheets.
2. Watch a bad comedy movie on Netflix.
3. Sing really loudly in the shower to your favorite song.
4. Make smiley faces in the fogged up mirrors after a warm shower.
5. Take a second to breathe in the fresh morning air when you step outside for the first time each morning.
6. Stretch before you get out of bed when you wake up.
7. Eat your favorite 'cheat' food.
8. Read your favorite children's book from when you were a kid.
9. Open your windows instead of blasting the air conditioning when riding in your car.
10. Go through your photos on your camera roll or on your Facebook and remember the memories attached to the pictures.
11. Ask your best friend for a song suggestion and listen to that song until you love it... then hate it.
12. Play with your dog.
13. Cuddle with your cat.
14. Do your hair the night before so you get to sleep in longer.
15. Watch your favorite movie.
16. Eat a bowl full of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
17. Scroll through Pinterest and pin like it's your job.
18. Go online window shopping.
19. Watch funny YouTube videos with cats or talking birds.
20. Delete old text messaging threads.
21. Write a handwritten letter to someone.
22. Call your grandparents and have a conversation with them... just because.
23. Smile at a stranger.
24. Say thank-you every chance you get.
25. Smile at yourself in the mirror.
26. Wear something that makes you FEEL good.
27. Take a moment to feel the breeze as it rustles through your hair.
28. Talk to a friend that you haven't spoken to in a while.
29. Look out your window and watch the clouds pass by.
30. Star gaze.
31. Genuinely be interested in what someone else has to say.
32. Read the bible,
33. Get excited about something that is months away.
34. Put your iPod on shuffle and dance to the first song that comes on.
35. Get on Spotify and turn on the "weekly discovery" channel and fall in love with a new artist.
36. Open your mind to someone else's perspective.
37. Follow social media accounts dedicated solely to animals.
38. Read "Restoring Faith in Humanity" stories online.
39. Smell the roses.
40. Let yourself enjoy you, being you.

That's all it takes.

Stay Golden,

Much love,

Jess

The Immense Importance of Looking Up

Social Media has taken over my life. 

It's all I do. 

My face is almost always buried in my phone. 

I'm perpetually stuck in a cycle of checking

                                                                     and checking  

                                                                                          and checking....

It's my entire focus. It's the only thing that has my attention. I'm addicted to the fact that I'm so connected to everyone in the world. I'm addicted to the fact that social media can make or break me. The amount of likes on my picture denotes whether or not I'm in fact as beautiful as the comments on my picture tell me. The amount of retweets I receive encourage me in my endeavor to be the most well-liked. I'm addicted to the fact that online I can be anything I want to be.

But how in the world did something that was intended to connect us with everyone all over the world cause us to become so disconnected to the ones closest to us? 

I'm one of the worst cases of social media addicts that you'll ever see. 

I am a member of just about every social media that has come to play since I turned ten years old. 

I post a photo on my Instagram (an app to share photos and videos) just about once every single day, but most of them end up deleted due to lack of likes or due to my amount of anxiety when it comes to what people will think of the content. I have 753 followers and I follow 529 people. I know without a doubt that I hardly know half of those people. My account is currently privated, but I still allow just about anybody to follow me. 

When my boyfriend of 14 months and I are together we take pictures and I almost always post one of Instagram right after. I then spend a majority of our time together checking to see the amount of likes the picture has gotten, or scrolling through my news feed to see what other people have posted. I blame it on my fear of missing out on something important. 

Next comes Facebook. I've had an account since about the fifth grade, after much begging and pleading with my mom. I don't even think I had anything at all to post, but I wanted so badly to be considered cool by my fellow peers with accounts. I have 1,099 friends on Facebook. I do not know that many people. I don't post Facebook statuses often, nor do I post many update photos, however, I still spend a rather large amount of time on the site just scrolling through the news feed. I again, aimlessly blame it on my fear of missing out on anything. 

Snapchat. I constantly refresh my feed to see if anyone has posted anything to their stories that they didn't post to their social media accounts. I always want to make sure to refresh it often and make my presence known, because hey, who wants to be left out of any juicy gossip that were to arise from something that was seen on someone's story? I don't want to be left out. 

I don't have a Twitter account anymore, but I know that when I did I spent almost every waking second refreshing the news feed to catch a glimpse of what's been happening. It's embarrassing to think of all the things I tweeted, and how I was so offended by the harsh things that people would say back to me about the things I tweeted. People weren't kind. Never, not at all. But hey, it was worth it, because guess who never felt left out? 

It's a recurring theme. A recurring concept that teenagers now choose to use as their primary motive for allowing these social media accounts to become their lives. It has become so important to my generation to be on top of everything around them globally, that they have become disconnected when it comes to those around them personally. 

I've seen so many posts so often on social media accounts (oh, the irony) with pictures of teenagers on dates or on outings where all of them are glued to their cell-phones. I know that I spend entirely too much time on my cell phone when I'm out on a date or with my friends. I'm the friend that is always taking pictures, that is always posting. I call it documenting memories, when in actuality it's just obsessing.

To me, it's become so much about 'remembering the moment' that I no longer live inside of it. I'm always making sure to take pictures and to post status updates, but when I look back on those pictures and updates, they're nothing but empty memories to me. 

I feel like I'm losing precious time with family and friends. I'm never going to get the time back that I spent glued to my cell phone instead of listening to a story about someone's childhood. I will never get the time back that I spent checking instagram instead of listening to why someone likes oldies music instead of the new poppy stuff. 

There aren't enough apologies that I could ever give out that will excuse my absence in the real world. There isn't enough explanation that can justify my heightened presence within that of my online life. 

It has become less about the conversations we have over lunch and more about the amount of likes we get on the pictures from that time we spent together. 

It's no longer about the things you love about me, but the amount of comments and likes that display of love receives on Instagram. 

And I'm so incredibly sorry that I've been so absent in my life. 

I want to experience more of the moments and worry less about documenting them. 

Here's to realizing I have a problem and aiming to fix them. 

I challenge you all to do the same. 

Step outside. Breathe. Take a deep breath. 

Look up. 

Because what's the use of documenting your life, if you feel like you haven't ever lived? 

So here's to deleting my apps and deactivating my accounts. 

Now is my time to live.

Stay Golden. 

Jessica. 

Ten Things They'll Never Admit To You About Growing Up

Growing up is tough.

I remember being a little girl and wanting so badly to be able to shop in the junior's section at Kohls. I never really ventured into those sections, not because I was too small to fit into anything, but because there were teenagers browsing through the clothes! At such a young age I was already embarrassed and afraid of doing something because of the fear that someone else would judge me for it.

Looking back now, I can't help but laugh. I'm one of those teenagers now. I see little girls avert their attention away from the clothes I'm looking at when they brave their way into the junior's section. I'm the monster. Heck, I'm intimidating to them.

But goodness gracious little darlings, that's how it'll be for rest of your lives! So here it is: The truth... As told by someone who just started growing up herself.

~~~

         Ten Things They Don't Admit To You About Growing Up 

1. No matter how old you are, people are still going to judge you. 

    If I could turn back time and run and tell little me that I was still going to be afraid to be judged by the teenagers in the junior's section, then boy I would. I wish someone would have told me that people were going to judge me no matter who I was. I still find myself self consciously sifting through store racks, anxiously hoping that no one is judging me for what I'm choosing. The only time I find myself completely confident is when I'm shopping with someone else. It's so easy to be at ease when you have someone there pushing you forward, or encouraging you on. I find it so wonderful when I'm with my friends shopping because they'll make snarky comments within our group just to ease the tension or any uneasy thoughts. It sounds so dorky, and so little girlish, but shopping with your mom (or dad, I don't know) will forever be your favorite thing - unless you're in that weird I-don't-like-my-parents phase, then fly free little butterfly - because they are easily, and will forever be your biggest fans. I'm not going to totally excuse the whole "Honey, you don't look bad in that dress", because we all knew we looked hideous in that dress, but your mom (or dad) sees you as perfect all the time. Back to the topic at hand though... There will forever be people that judge you for anything and everything you do. So once you figure that out you basically can conquer the world, because once you realize that no matter what they're going to judge you, you'll start to live for yourself. And guys, let me be the first to tell you that living for yourself is the bomb.com... Especially when it comes to wearing a particular scarf multiple times because it's cozy and having certain people in your household complain all the time about it... Mom. 

2. Not everyone is going to agree with your opinions... And that's okay. 

    It is going to be so easy to want to conform to what your classmates or family members believe. This year in particular, I've come to learn that people are quick to argue their opinion when they don't align with yours. While that is super obnoxious, it also makes it harder to stand your ground. There have been so many times amidst a debate that I so badly want to just give up. I want to step back and dismiss my beliefs as inferior to that of others. Once I get into a debate, I find it so hard to stand up for myself because I've come to dislike conflict. I believed so intensely that everyone was supposed to like everything I did and agree with me. I would go to extreme lengths to argue my point because I wanted them to understand what I was saying... Not necessarily agree with me, but just to understand the reasons why I felt the way I did. It was so incredibly important to me that they knew why I thought what I did. Why I felt so strongly for certain topics - you name it. I was a stickler for fitting in. Just recently, I was in the middle of a debate with someone when I realized that I was arguing for naught. Just as I wanted to be understood, so did the other person. It wasn't so much about being convinced of their belief, it was being convinced that their belief was justified. It made sense to me then that I didn't need to argue what I believed in, because it was what I believed in. It didn't have to be what anyone else believed in... As long as it made me happy personally, then I shouldn't worry. And you shouldn't either, young grasshopper. So rejoice and make your own opinions, cause hey, that's what growing up is all about. 

3. Not everyone is going to like you.

    Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. This is my least favorite truth of them all. This is definitely one of the hardest for me to accept.  I find it so hard to accept the fact that there are people out there who will look at me and not like me for how pretty they think I am, or for how ugly they think I am. I hate the fact that there are people out there who will dislike me because of how intelligent I am, or because of how unintelligent they believe I am. They'll dislike me because they think I'm annoying or boring, or because I have a lackluster personality or too much of one. There will people who I've never even talked to that will hate me, and people who I've been friends with for months that will decide one day that they don't want to be in my company any longer. It's just the way it is, but boy is it tough. I don't understand. I don't think I ever will, I don't know if anyone ever has or will. It's just something that one has to come to terms with, but on the flipside, there will be people who adore you. These people might not have been who you always imagined yourself being friends with, but boy will you come to appreciate these people. I've found myself in the company of some amazing people that I've discovered in places where I'd never thought they'd lie. I would never trade where I am today to be anywhere else, and I don't believe anyone else should either. Do what makes you happy. Enjoy the people you meet in those places. None of this will matter sometime from now, anyway. 

4. There is NOTHING wrong with being intelligent. 

    This is such a huge one. It's no secret that the intelligent ones are always the awfully portrayed ones in media everywhere. I don't spend much time watching any Kid's TV but I remember the smart people on those TV shows weren't really the ones I'd ever want to be like. They were always bullied or the ugly ones or the ones that no one wanted to be around. They were portrayed so awfully that I have no idea how any child could look at that kind of thing and aspire to be that way. We see it so often when it comes to different situations. In reality TV shows, in the TV channels that teenagers choose to spend their time watching... The smart ones are always the bad ones. The ones that no one wants to be. Sometimes, they're the winner in the end, but is it really safe to teach the younger generations that if they're smart, they have to wait until they're grown to be rewarded for their intelligence? It's so important for us to realize that being who you are is okay. Whether you are someone who doesn't have to study at all for anything in school or you're someone who is forced to spend their days with their nose buried in a book just to get away with a B on a test. It's all okay. What's not okay is not trying. It's so important to set up a good foundation for yourself now and for your future. It's never too earlier, and it will never, ever be too late to get your life in check. All you have to do is try. 

5. Don't stress yourself out now, because it only gets harder as you work your way up.

    I'm easily one of the most stressed teenagers you'll ever meet. I have built so much pressure upon myself to be perfect that little things easily push me over the edge. I'm constantly pushing myself to get better grades, to look perfect, to have my act together, to have a good social life. I've put so much pressure on myself to maintain the perfect girl image. I want to be seen as that girl who totally has her life together, the one who just never screws up... And let me tell you how unattainable that goal is. I screw up so often that it's almost as if the world enjoys seeing me fail. That's silly though, because that's not it at all. It's almost as if the world is trying to teach me that messing up is okay, and that I should not at all be allowing myself this much pressure. It's ridiculous. One day when I'm that daily show host, or correspondent for Good Morning America, or even if I choose to pursue a career in special needs education for preschoolers, I will endure so much more stress than I ever knew possible. If I allow myself to stress over what is the now, then how will I survive then? That's what's so important to know. What is happening now is so much smaller than you will endure when you're actually forced into the real world. This is the time to enjoy yourself. It's okay to care, but to care to the point of pressuring yourself to be perfect, that's when you can lose yourself, and all you've worked to be. Keep calm and carry on. That should be your life motto through high-school. Oh, and YOLO. Just kidding. Seriously, mom. I promise. 

6. Being Yourself is SO incredibly important. 

    "But I don't know who I am yet?" Exactly. This is why it's so important to do your best to try to figure out who you are, little munchkin. That's why it's so important for you to take chances and make mistakes. That's why it's so incredibly important for you to be okay with not fitting in. Why it's so important for you to be open to what is and what may be. It's why you have to be okay with transitioning from friend group to friend group; with giving up friends that you had for ages for friends that you'd never thought you would ever have. I don't know if you find yourself in high-school or if you end up finding yourself in college, but regardless, it's important to be aware and open with what's around you. It's not going to be fair at times, but it'll be so worth it. 

7. Procrastinating is bad, but you're going to do it anyway. 

   Everyone is going to tell you that you shouldn't procrastinate, but I truly believe everyone does. It's just a habit that we as humans adopt. I'd like to tell you that you shouldn't procrastinate, but it'd be for naught. Procrastinating is awful, and you shouldn't do it, but you will. I hate hate hate to say it, but you're going to put off your homework to go to that party or to do other things that require your immediate attention, and you know what? As long as you get it done, go ahead. 

8. You're going to make mistakes. 

    This goes back to not being perfect. Things are going to go wrong. Things are going to go so very wrong and you're going to want to shout to the world in anger and ask why, but you know what, at the end of the day, it's all a learning process. This is what it takes to grow up, and I know it's awful, I know it sucks but this is the foundation for a BETTER you. This is the start of such a better life, and you should embrace it. You're going to make dumb mistakes and do stupid things, but it's all apart of becoming an adult. Now, I'm not saying go and be stupid just because, but in the end, you're learning a lesson. Enjoy your teenage years while you can and hold on tight. Make memories and learn from your mistakes... Don't dwell on them. You're just that much closer to becoming who you're supposed to be. 

9. SLEEP IS SO IMPORTANT!

    This is going to be the shortest truth but I have to address it. Sleep is going to be your best friend forever and forever. Take naps while you can. Enjoy long sleep. Enjoy nights without lots of homework. Sleep in on the weekend. Go to sleep early. Take cat naps as often as possible. Enjoy sleep because it is your youth and it may become your salvation. Sleep will become your refuge. Sleep is the best medicine. Take it in while you can

10. It's going to be really, really hard.

    And the last truth to be told. I already gave way to this at the beginning of this post, but here it is. Growing up is hard. You're going to hate it. That's just the truth. You're going to hate it when your significant other breaks your heart. You're going to hate it when people you trusted tell your secrets. You're going to hate it when you realize you're just one grade level closer to leaving mom and dad for college. You're going to hate it when you realize that you're just that much closer to being responsible for yourself. You're going to come to a slamming halt when you finally realize that a lot of people don't care, and that you're a simple soul that cares too much in a world that just cares too little.... But guess what? It's okay. It's okay to cry and scream and be angry with the world. It's okay to hug your mom. It's okay to cuddle close to her when you're feeling upset. It's okay to hold on tightly to your grandparents. It's okay to be sixteen and call your dad, daddy. And goodness, it is so very okay to crawl into bed with your parents when you're afraid of the dark. You don't have to face growing up alone. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not be what society wants you to be. It is so, so okay to accept yourself even when you feel as if others don't accept you. It's going to be so awful sometimes and you're going to wish that you could just give up but it's just one bad day amongst a bundle of good ones. You're going to realize one day that you may be one day closer to leaving your parents, but that means you're one day to having a family of your own. You're going to love it when you realize that you're going to be able to raise kids of your own. You're going to love it when you realize you're going to be pursuing your dreams soon. You're going to marry the love of you life someday, and that's so exciting! So while it may suck, and you wish so badly you could turn back time... This is it. So you might as well make the most of it while you can. 

~~~~

So that was that. Hope you all enjoyed this terribly long read. Stay warm and stay happy. 

But most of all, 

Stay Golden. 

Jessica. 

Belittle Me This: Kindness as a Facade

Question of the Day: When did belittling others become society's latest trend?

I believe it's safe to admit that today's society no longer cares for other's feelings. It has become routine to belittle others for the way they speak, what they wear, or how they choose to display themselves. It has become so easy to judge someone because of how they choose to live versus how society would like them to.

It has become the age of conforming in such a way that one believes they are not conforming. There is no longer a difference between someone who lives for society's acceptance and someone who behaves in such a different way that society addresses them as someone who is non-conforming solely with the intention of conforming.

It is rare to find someone who is solely different for the sake of being themselves. This comes from the fact that society mocks those who choose to be themselves. If you don't fit in and you do something out of line, you are the one who is wrong. It is so easy to lay claim to the fact that being just like everyone else is right, because it's safe. 

It'd be so easy to lie and say that I deliberately do not conform, however, I do fall into the depths of conformity. I am so obsessed with fitting in because I am terrified of standing out. I've constantly watched people just be themselves, and be ridiculed for it...

So my faith in people has start to dwindle.

I've done it too. I'm sure you have as well. It's human nature to adopt other's habits, so watching someone else ridicule someone for a specific behavior will cause us to do the same. It's easy to lay claim to the fact that we wish we could say that we would never make fun of someone for simply being themselves, but in the moment, when other people are... we conform.

I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling confused. I'm feeling ashamed.

Why is kindness so taboo?

All I want to hear for once is: "You're okay. Don't worry about what society thinks, you are okay."

And to have someone truly mean it.

Stay Golden.

Jessica.

Why I Will Never Allow My Medical Records to Define Me

My life has been a roller-coaster since my last blog post.

I went through a really awful season of an activity that I loved, I buckled beneath pressure to be perfect, and I've now learned of two new chronic illnesses that have taken residence within me.

It began in the summer during the marching band season, when we got a new colorguard coach. I felt a lot of pressure from her, and although she was incredible at her craft, the pressure we received from her was too much for me to handle.

Those few months were really tough on me emotionally. I felt a constant pressure to be what everyone wanted me to be. It was no longer about my own happiness, but instead the happiness of others. I don't remember when exactly I buckled, but I remember how difficult it became to continue.

I fell back into a depression that I hadn't experienced since middle school. My anxiety was uncontrollable. My mental state became so disheveled that I to this day still have to work to bring myself back to my happy medium. It was as if my mind saw this experience as traumatic, and I suppose it was, in a way. The toughest part about the whole season though, I believe, is the fact that I fell so far out of love with something that I truly believed was my sole passion.

Throughout the season, I began to get sicker again. I experienced many spouts of "celiac attacks" that were triggered by stress instead of gluten. It was well within the season that I realized I wasn't just experiencing my normal pain anymore.

When my body began to ache, it wasn't of too much concern. I was doing a ton of physical activity. I was working my body really hard, so of course there was going to be some kick-backs to the extraneous activity. I found it strange that I was no longer able to run with the rest of the girls for numerous laps without feeling pain within my knees. Simply bending my knees during choreography became a task.

I remember constantly having to take Advil and use heating patches for the pain that I felt throughout me. There are no words to express how frustrating it was becoming to constantly be in pain during this season. I began to hate colorguard so intensely that it was a chore to go back every single day. It was no longer just frustrating mentally, but physically. I believed my body was beginning to fight me back for allowing myself to succumb to the pressure that was being put on me.

We went to the doctors to try and figure out what could possibly be wrong with me, and they ran blood tests. This resulted in a positive ANA test, which was terrifying to say the least. This confirmed the belief that there was something else wrong within me - another autoimmune disorder to live with. After lupus was ruled out, we were left at what we thought was another dead end.

Hope grew within me, however, when a rheumatology office in Atlanta allowed me to schedule an appointment with them - regardless of my young age. When I went to my rheumatologist for the first time, I remember noticing how I was noticeably the youngest one in the waiting room. It was not even by a few years, but an obvious age gap when it came to the other patients in the waiting room and I. My mother and I made jokes about it, since there was no way we could change the situation.

My doctor is incredible. I can honestly say that she was the first doctor that has truly listened to everything that I've said and taken them all into consideration without brushing it off. After the first initial appointment and the blood tests came back, I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. The skin condition that I've had since birth was now in my joints.

I now had an explanation for why sometimes my fingers locked up so bad when I was writing that I dropped my pencil. It explained why my knees get red and swollen after too much physical activity. It explained why my wrists were always aching. I was given an anti-inflammatory to take and sent on my merry way.

Everything was fine, before it became awful again. It wasn't just my joints anymore. The pain radiated everywhere it could. I was constantly aching, even after small bouts of physical activity, or days where I did nothing at all.

Two weeks ago, my mother and I went back to the rheumatologist and my doctor confirmed our suspicions: I had fibromyalgia.

She touched each of the 'fibro tender points' on my body, and pain shot through me each time. I cried shamelessly after she finished and she asked me questions about my sleep, about my mental state, and then gave me the final diagnosis.

There is no magic cure for Fibromyalgia. There is no magic cure for Psoriasis or Psoriatic Arthritis. There is no magic cure for Celiac Disease. There is no magic cure for Anxiety. There is no magic cure for Depression.

There are only ways to control what I have. There are only medicines to ease the pains I have. I'm even recommended to take yoga classes. I am no longer capable of strenuous physical activity.

And I'm not going to lie, it's incredibly frustrating.

I'm sixteen and my health is comparable to someone in their later years.

It's easy to complain, because I have reason to. The thing is, if I complain, I'm letting my illnesses win. I'm letting them control me.

There are days where I want to give up and lay in bed. There are days when I'm in so much pain that I cannot bear it.

When I have to stop dancing at a party because my knees have swollen up, turned completely red, and made my legs so weak that I walk like they're made of jello - THAT'S when it's so easy to give up. When I'm no longer allowed to live my life as a teenager because of the challenges that I've been faced with, THAT'S when I get frustrated. That's when I want to be done. That's when I wish I was someone else.

I am here to tell you that I refuse to allow all of this to define who I am. I am not Celiac Disease. I am not Fibromyalgia. I am not my Arthritis, nor am I my Anxiety or Depression. I am a straight A student. I am a Child of GOD. I am hope. I am faith. I am Jessica, and I am ALIVE.

Here I am as a Christian. I am here before you with a love for God, children, and writing. Someday, I will change the world, and I will not allow my illnesses to stop me. This is where I am defined by my choices, not by my physical state. Where I am no longer defined by my mentality, but by the way that I choose to live. The way I choose to use my challenges to my advantage.

As I sit here and type this, my fingers are cramping up, but again, I'm here to make a difference. I'm here to prove that just because something is expected to break you down, it doesn't have to.

Let your illnesses inspire you to BE, rather than to might have been.

It's time to make a choice and I choose to fight.

Stay golden.

Jessica.

Confidence For One, Please.

I'm back.

Not too much has happened since the last time I logged on and published something onto my blog.

I haven't been out of town.
I haven't been abducted by aliens.
I haven't even been busy.

I have though, unfortunately, been discouraged.

A few days after I wrote my last blog post I looked at my blog and read over my posts a few times and I decided that what I was doing was silly. That no one cared and that I was going to be laughed at if anyone ever found this blog. I decided that while I had no followers, I'd quit. I wouldn't do it anymore.

I didn't tell anyone about my decision and I brushed off my people's questions with a simple, "I'm too busy." or "I just forgot about it."

But I just thought what I'm doing is silly. Complaining about this disease to an internet full of people who don't care, and those who do wouldn't know what they're actually caring about. They'd care, without really knowing what them caring met.

And as I spent more and more time thinking these thoughts, the discouragement grew inside of me, and I decided to quit.

Then it came to me. I was so worried about what people would think of me that I quit doing something that I had been so excited to start and then a newer revelation came to me. It wasn't just my Celiac Disease anymore that was controlling my life: It was my insecurity and low self-esteem that began to take over.

But then I realized something even greater: It was just about my Celiac Disease anymore. This wasn't even just about me anymore. This was about the pressures that society weighs on teenage girls today. This was about the insecurities that I shared with teenage girls all across the world that followed the trends forced upon us by the media. This was about the low self-esteem and distorted body image that teenage girls are plagued with.

Recent studies have shown that the more reality television a girl watches, the more she will take into consideration her appearance. In a survey, 40% of the women that were asked said they'd consider having cosmetic surgery in their future. It is said that young girls who participate in mainstream media are more likely to paint the negative pictures of women that are cast out by magazines such as Glamour and Vogue. Women who participate in the media that is shown today are more likely to look at themselves as sex objects, and will begin to work to gain that image that magazines so easily dish out.

As teenagers, we are more easily influenced than others. We look at the ads that are placed out there by Victoria Secret and stores like Hollister. These models are airbrushed and trimmed to perfection: The ads are placed out there and the message the same from each store: "If you buy our products/merchandise, you can look and feel as beautiful as these woman do." But you end up not feeling that way, and that need to fit in causes you to buy more and more of the product. No matter how hard we try, we will never look just as good as the photo shopped women, because we AREN'T photo shopped women.

We want to fit in with the latest trends. We want to buy those too short shorts, the crop tops, the revealing swim suits... Because all we want is to fit in. I'm as guilty as anyone else. I know that I see pictures of my friends or other girls that I follow on instagram in cute, but revealing clothing and I can't help but think: I wish I looked like that. So I set out and I made it happen. I own the belly shirts, I own the too revealing shorts and swimsuits and yeah, it feels good for awhile. The attention is great, but at the end of the day, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed of what our society has become. I'm ashamed of what it has come to. The price of feeling "beautiful" shouldn't be my self-respect. It shouldn't be me demeaning myself to a sexual object for the teenage boys of our society who have been taught that it's okay to see us as such.

We become so insecure with ourselves though, with not feeling pretty enough, with being judged because of how "ugly" we think we look, that we give up everything God has blessed us with. We dress in revealing clothing, we murder our hair with heat products, and we cake our faces in make-up just for a glance from a boy, or a jealous look from another teenage girl that helps us feel as if we are successful in our attempts.

                       Society sees me prettier this way: eye make-up done, hair straightened.

       I feel prettier this way: Hair natural (unbrushed on this occasion), and just a little bit of mascara

However, it didn't matter what I felt, I got more attention when I gussied up vs. when I stayed completely natural and allowed myself to be free of any unnatural beauty.

It is said that we see ourselves ten times less attractive than we actually are. I can't say if I really believe that, but it is something that would help someone convince themselves that they are truly beautiful. You can convince yourself of anything.

So many women struggle with body weight issues where they see themselves as "too big" and "not skinny enough", however only 10% of women can actually attain the body weight that the models have. Women's bodies aren't made to be that tiny. You are who you are. God created you in his image, and you are perfect in his eyes, so why try to fix something that is not broken?

Thigh gaps are a huge social controversy and Tumblr fad that has many teenage girls diving into eating disorders to attempt to attain. However, it's been shown that most women's bodies are not made to healthily obtain thigh gaps. I'm slightly underweight for my height - thanks to my Celiac -  and I do not have a thigh gap. It doesn't happen healthily, in most cases. It's not safe.

Recently, one clothing company came out with a campaign that uses only untouched models. Aerie, a branch off of American Eagle that sells intimates, night clothes, and work-out clothing has came up with the #AerieReal campaign, which focuses on using models that are not only untouched, but naturally beautiful and not completely stick thin. They're healthy, looking beautiful women and this move by Aerie has created quite the move among teenage girls everywhere. The campaign focuses on helping women to feel just as good in their clothing as the normal girls do in their pictures. One photo from the campaign shows cellulite on her butt, to tattoos and curves, to even an innocent belly ring hole. This campaign has received praise from all over the nation.

                 Here is a side-by-side comparison of an Aerie girl, and a Victoria Secret model.

She may look sexier, but goodness, the other one looks happy and HEALTHY. While the one on the right is beautiful, she's not one young girls should be aiming to be. It's unattainable. But you know what isn't? Happiness.

I don't know. I'm on a roll right now, and I'm done being worried about what people think. I allowed myself too long to be sucked into a society that only throws out judgment. I'm done being afraid of what people think, and at this point, if someone thinks I'm annoying, let them. Slowly, I'm discovering all kinds of people who love me for the real me. Not for the one I put up a front to be. I'm done with the people who tease me and crush me to control me. The judgment is done. The sad side of me needs to be gone.

And this needs to happen inside of every girl. This kind of personal empowerment needs to occur within all of us. You need to discover the power that is your beauty, that is the real and true you. Not the mean girl who puts down the girls in front of all her friends so they can fit in, not the one who pretends to be stupid and hits the books at home, and not the girls like me who hide their humor and their jokes for their parents at home.

Shine. Let your beauty shine.

Because you know what? There is someone who loves you unconditionally. His love will conquer all things. God created you to be awesome and to be you. He created you to do amazing things in His name. He created you in His image. So what better thought than that? You're beautiful and wonderfully made.

So don't let society stop you from being you.
Don't let anyone stop you.

You were born to stand out, not to fit in.

So do something great today.
Tomorrow.
Next week.
Years from now.
All your lives.

Do great things because YOU are AWESOME!

Stay golden Celiacs.
Stay golden, everyone.

Jessica.

[EDIT] Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8
Such a powerful message. You are beautiful!

Celiac Disease & Public School.

Self-Control.

A trait that becomes one of the most important in a Celiac's life. It's a trait that becomes important for anyone that has been burdened with a severe food allergy. A trait that becomes the difference between an allergic reaction/attack and going about the rest of your day happily.

In a child that has a gluten allergy/celiac disease, it is harder to build upon that trait from an early age. I've sat through many pizza parties/cupcake days empty-handed, and believe me, even after having to do so for six years, it's still difficult. To watch all of your peers eat that gluten-filled treat with no worries of later attacks, compared to you, who has to be afraid of even receiving a small trace of the protein which can trigger a major attack on your system. I've learned to avert my eyes, to busy myself, or bring my own snacks on those types of days, but it's never the same. People give me pitying looks, I hear "It's not even that good", "You're not missing out on much" and so many varieties of that same phrase. As I sit here thinking as I'm typing, I can't help but imagine the children in elementary school that cannot eat gluten. However, days ago,  I read an article that was comparing the pros/cons of banning parents from bringing in cake/cupcakes period for their children's birthdays, since allergies in children have begun to dramatically increase over the past few years.

In this particular article, the mother of the child WITHOUT the allergy argued that it's not particularly fair that her child isn't allowed to have cake/cupcakes brought to him/her on their birthday just because one child in the room cannot eat the cake. She continues by explaining how the school has a policy where the product has to be allergen friendly and store-bought, it cannot be home-made, and she argues in the article that while it's fair for one child, it's unfair for the rest of the children. If I'm being totally honest right now, she's right. If I could eat wheat, I'd totally think that it's unfair to have to eat that wheat-free stuff, JUST because she can't eat wheat. It's arguable, of course, that gluten-free desserts taste just like (if not better - I'm biased.) regular desserts. However, this stuff is so expensive! Why would anyone want to go to the store and buy a box of $4.32 gluten-free cake mix, when I can just go out and buy a $1.32 regular cake mix? (I price-compared, just for you guys.) It's simple. No one would. I'm that one child in the class who can't eat it, and I wouldn't. It's just how it ends up. I'd rather not take the fun out of getting good food in class for everyone else, just because I cannot eat it! You know? Maybe that's just the passive side of me speaking, but that mother's argument made perfect sense to me! If it bothers you that bad that your child can't eat the cake, make her something else to bring that she can eat while they eat the cake, and on her birthday, make the class a gluten-free cake/cupcakes! It's a simple fix - one that I've been using for years. Having to make up for my own food when I go on trips with the school. It's how things are when you're forced to deal with this.

                                              (See, me baking gluten-free. Easy peasy)
So yes, food. This topic has another side in public schooling: School lunch. Before I even was officially diagnosed with Celiac, I brought my lunch to school. However, now that I officially cannot, I wish I could, or had at least tried it at some point. Carrying a lunch box can get really irritating, especially when you're always having to carry your book-bag, a purse, a bag with a change of clothes for afterschool activities, a 6-foot flagpole/rifle (for color-guard, you might not carry this around with you, to each their own), and then a lunch box on top of that. I look like a pack-mule and anyway I can get away with lifting my load is a way that I welcome with open, pleading arms! Now school lunches are obviously not going to be Celiac-friendly just right off the bat. There are tons of other kids in that school, and they won't revolve their food choices on one child. (See, and we're back to another reason why birthday cake is fine in the classroom.) However, on a brighter-side note, I know my school offers allergy-safe lunches. My mom emailed back and forth with the school lunch manager, and they planned my lunches according to what the other students were eating that day at school. This went on for the first six months of my freshman year. It kind of became a nightmare. The food wasn't exactly the best, and it was embarrassing to be pulled out and about to be handed the lunch specially. I ended up opting out of the program, but it was a good-idea. Don't get me wrong, I give them credit. There was one other student in my school that had "Celiac" disease, and a third grader somewhere else in the county that was on the program with me; so I wasn't alone.

But I am. Let me tell you, I am so alone in the fact that I'm a Celiac and gluten-free at my school. There have been four other people that I can think of that at one point had to go gluten-free due to medical reasons, and three of them are no longer gluten-free because it was a fluke by their doctor; and the one that is still supposed to be gluten-free cheats all the time, and doesn't get major consequences for these slip-ups. (Am I bitter? Yes.) It made me feel better, when there were others that were gluten-free among me. It felt as if someone finally understood what I was dealing with. To have to say no to so many things that I would LOVE to just say yes and eat. But again, I just can't. And it feels as if no-one understands, or takes the time to understand. Not even the adults that are supposed to be supporting me in my school career. That leads me to a huge issue that I've been saving for last:

Bullying.

Oh, what a lovely term that is, isn't it?

I bolded it for emphasis, I think it gives a good effect, yeah?

It's such a huge issue in schools today. It's a big reason why many children are moved to private schools, or are homeschooled. I've found that adolescents tend to poke fun at things they do not understand. So of course, with Celiac disease being such a foreign subject to even me, they would use that to target me, and have been since middle school - although as my disease begins to take a greater effect on my body, the bullying has grown.

It starts with the simple stuff, stuff that doesn't bother me much. Where one of my friends will pick up my lunch out of my lunchbox and will inspect it and go, "Is this your gluten-free crap?" and will open it, harshly judging the taste and talking about how gross it is. I'm used to that. People making fun of the things that I'm eating. That's whatever. However, recently, it's intensified. Boys will be boys. Asking me stupid questions about sexual topics that embarrass me. Talking about how doing things are gluten-free, and that's okay. Boys will be boys. But it shames me.  People asking me if stupid, obvious things are gluten-free. "Is this pool water gluten-free?" To threats: "I'm going to drown you in gluten water." or "What would happen if I forced you to eat this bread?" There is one particular person that bombards me about complaining constantly about my Celiac. He is a regular, healthy kid. However, he seems to point out every single time that I talk harshly about my Celiac. You think that he'd let up, but no. Every single time. He attacks me and tells me to stop complaining, but he just doesn't understand. He has no problems whatsoever to his name. I've tried explaining the severity to my disease, and what it could lead to, but he throws into my face the condition of someone we're both close to who was thought to have Celiac who suffered from neurological issues. People like him are those who cause me to breakdown because no one tries to understand me. They are quick to jump and complain about me, however they don't try to see things from my side and that disappoints me.

I've read about worse bullying due to Celiac. By no means am I saying that I have it bad. I'm saying that it shouldn't be happening at all. It happens even in our media, and that's a huge problem that I will discuss in another post for another time. But for now, this is all I have. A teenage Celiac girl's view of public school.

Stay Golden Celiacs.
Jessica.